Oooooooooh, your a GiiiiiRL Dragon!!!!

Of COURSE you ARE!!!

Even GIRL dragons need love!!!

Shrek Check me out!!!!

My first guest post is here: http://livingwithlaughter.com

Now if I only knew how to "link" ya there,, but there is free candy when you get there...so GO!!!

I try to be all "hard core Yo" about dating, but I'm not, I'm more kitten breath and sweet little bluebird eggs.. I say I don't NEED someone right now, is this BS?

Bulldog Schnitzel? Buttcrack Schnapps? Broccoli Saute???

Last night I had a dream. It was one of those dreams that made you think. I hate those, don't I think enough during the dang day already? Do we really have to have a chin scratching, epiphany-chick hatching, screamy thought birthing, slinky down the stairs of my brain- dream every night?

I like when bunnies hop in a meadow for no reason and sing about my perfectly painted pinkie-toe (just one of them), I love watching confetti fall on my head for winning the National Mini-Marshmallow Extreme Distance Spitting Championships! I don't know any "NMMEDSC" Gold medalists-- BUT ME (and I'm fine with that). I certainly don't mind when David Beckham stops over for a "this means nothing" sex romp (I mean his wife's face IS Botoxorama and I'm youthful, innocent and all virginy).

But NO Seductress!!!! Let's dive into you phsyche a bit (just to make you try to correctly SPELL "Psyche") because you NEEEED the pressure right now!!

Hmmmmmmpf....... Damn dream Nazi's!!

Give me back my Dang bunnehs!!!

Wink, Wink

Last night I was the Bachelorette. I was much cuter and my giggle was so much more intoxicating than the current one that let yummy country talkin' Ty go (like a Moron), not that I watch or anything.

Why dontchya calls me sumtime

I had two men with me both were very imperfect which was PERFECT for me. I was attracted to them in different ways, physically and mentally and they both did the essentials (assuming I knew them more than a week)..... Understanding, calm (when I wanted to feel boring), wild (when I need it all K-R-A-Z-Y up in 'da hizzy), sweet natured (rough edges), expert farters (farts are aways funny people), hard workers, strict on me (ha) but only when I needed it, full on mascara hoarders, giving, but not scared to take, hungry for me always ( I taste like pancakes), ear whisperers, star gazers, dreamers with a foot in reality...blah.blah.blah....

They courted in different ways as well, one was extravagant and the other more romantic and planning.

The first was a little artsy and off the cuff which drives me to sexual positions passion. He would do things like paint murals with me all night and then lay with me on the freshly kaleidoscoped paint tarp to look up at the stars and count fireflies (I know RIGHT!!!??? SWOOOOON). He was the one that was fighting for me more it seems, genuinely trying to let me know how much he knew that we "belong". One night (I think it was the finale) he brought me 2 presents. In one box was a beautiful gold bracelet (I'm a silver gal, nudge wink cough). I could tell he had spent a lot of money on it, I did LIKE it but it wasn't a "AGGGHHHHHHHA THIS IS THE BEST DAMN PRESENT,,,, TAKE ME!!!" like. The next was a bigger, rattlier box. It was filled to the rim with costume jewelery rings. Now that for me is a "AGGGHHHHHHHA THIS IS THE BEST DAMN PRESENT,,,, TAKE ME,,,, NOW!!!", it's about the fun little things for me, I was smitten in my dream, he promised me the world in the things most people miss.

The other guy was more translucent. He was handsome and chiseled, but had REALLY fat hands and fingers for some reason, it was bizarro, those little fat nubs couldn't do anything, he was clumsier than me (laughing)!! But he was sweet. He planned candlelight picnics with hot dogs on plates from Tiffany's at ballgames. He just knew I was going to pick him. He stressed about things being perfect, passionate about the details.

In real life I would have ran screaming:

"Ya gotta let go sometimes and laugh when you fall in the pool fully dressed!"

But in the dream it was comforting that someone cared that much.

It's all about perception.

There was no sex in this dream (damn sex dream Nazi's) but I kissed cheeks all night and nuzzled and hugged and I think I needed that even more.

Here's the deal. SPOILER ALERT!!!

I did not choose either of them. I did EXACTLY what I am doing in my real life. Feeling I am not good enough, I am not ready, I have too much going on, I am too sick, I am not pretty enough right now, I don't have enough financial stability to bring someone in, my kids are too young, no one will want to deal with my antics, no one will see my heart, no one will see my drive when I am this low, I am not shining, THEY ALL DESERVE BETTER.

But what do I deserve? Do I have to be on top of the world to be loved? I miss that feeling I got last night, little things are big, little things matter, but if I don't feel I have bigger ones to offer, why try? I don't want to bring someone in like this and worse I don't think I can be rejected now (and I certainly would sabotage it with THIS mindset)...

Being abused puts a lot of thoughts in your head, thoughts I am still trying to erase about my self worth, I think we all have them though, I am really not unique in that respect.

So I think maybe for now if nothing is not organically-romantic (is there a organic-romantic farm somawhere?), I will have to just bide my time basking in my own growing fabulosity and changing this mindset.

The dream actually ended with me jumping out of a purple plane with no parachute and landing in a huge mound of Fall leaves, I popped a leave infested head up and was a child again, laughing and snorting with freckle-faced friends.

It will all end well.



Girls drool.... We have exactly NO idea what we REALLY want...

(insert superhero music here)

I woke up in the middle of the night with a raging headache. Death seemed to be the only option at this point but I shrugged it off, guffawed at the laughable pain tolerance levels of the commoners and took my superhuman status to heart.

I stood on my bed with my hand over my heart, my red yellow zig-zagged "Invisible Seductress" cape blowing from the breeze of the ceiling fan whirling above my head, one leg bent as if it were rested on a recently climbed mountain top and in the "side profile superhero stance" of comic book legend, I made my speech against the evil that was trying to conquer me and put the universe in imminent danger of losing The Invisible Seductress to laugh at save the world from evil and bad comedy routines, OH,, and also from Green Olive over crowding at the super market (it's really what's best for the pickles)!!

The speech sounded like this:

"Good Lord PLEEEEAASE make this pounding go AWAY-AY-AY-AY!!!"
(only in a much sexier and deeper super-heroesque way)

And then I tried to hit my knees to sob, but my cape got tangled on the high heels of my super-sexy superhero black boots, dropping me like it's hot, to the floor, where I then proceeded with the sobbing.

The search for my headache remedy spanned the entire square footage of my sprawling lair. With my speed, night and X-ray vision, I was to make short work of the task and realize that I had no worldly relief capsules at hand.

"GADZOOKS!! Sparkleboy!! What ever will we do now?"
(Sparkleboy was sleeping, so this was really just for effect)

But alas, my amazing memory bank threw up a 3D vision of a bottle of Ibuprofin I had possibly overlooked in my purse!!!!

"ZAM-SWISH-ZAHOOOOOOOEY!!!!"
(I flew to my purse then)

The super-heroesque music and voice had started to irritate me at this point so I flipped the record player that was blaring: "Music to save the World by"/ The Monster Super-hero weakness ballads edition.

And dialed down my voice back to normal for the rest of the search and recovery as well as for for the entirety of this post (unless you just feel like talking awesome).

My purse yielded the prize of the aspirin bottle, but it felt empty, as I opened it I was relieved to find 4 red pills of Ibuprofin headache happiness. I choked them down as fast as I could and laid my head down to dream of bunnies and joy.

Strangely, I woke up with a worse headache and another daunting symptom.

You may have mistaken this morning sunrise for what actually happened. Let me explain.

Women normally have a bottle of pills in their purse that carry a selection of pills for every need (we're cool like that).

Tummy, PMS, Headache, Migraine, The stopping you from killing someone pill (I heard some folks had them) and possibly....

(TMI WARNING):

AZO Standard.... (Urinary tract infection meds that I put in when I was pregnant with Traxx and out of town ,,, just in case) that look JUST like generic Ibuprofin..

And as women know,, they drastically discolor your urine...

My pee is now a color I can't even describe "as a color" because it is more of a radioactive glow than a color. It even makes that "buzzing" sound of "electrically charged" radioactive glow.

Aliens have called me to inquire about the "phenomenon" and I talked them out of dissecting me. They have however taken a brain scraping because they feel my intelligence is even more superior than that of their cat leader: Shuravfsk Sssskkkp and my mad mascara skillz are worth cloning into their next generation.

Beams are shooting out of the toilet and gracing the eastern sky with a pseudo sunrise with each visit I make.

So this morning as you looked out into the morning sky and admired the beauty of our hot star of life, know it was actually courtesy of this "hot star" of the blogosphere (laughing).

GOOD MORNING WORLD!!!

It's all about patience son... and direction....

Normally I wake up entirely too early. It is usually not my decision to grace the world with my presence so soon, it is my son's. There is normally an issue with a food item not opening (or even worse spilling) or a Traxx "turtling" poop emergency. These are really great ways to wake up I suppose.

At this point I will do the following:

Behead the turtle, feed the spawn.

And think:

OK. What do I absolutely need to do BEFORE I can take a nap?

Followed by:

OK. What can I cut out of the list of things I absolutely need to do BEFORE I take a nap?

Shortly thereafter there is:

OK. The only thing in my list that I absolutely have to do BEFORE taking a nap is:

TAKING A NAP!

(You all are welcome to use this strategy)

I really enjoy watching people do stupid things. I am an expert at this and should be the first "America's Funniest Home Videos" reality show "spin off" cast member.

The "stupidest/clumsiest" contestant wins free medical services for life and a full body set of safety pads.

As much as I fess up to being an idiot, as a parent you really don't want your children to do things that question their intelligence level. As if you being an idiot on your own is OK as long as your kids are not idiots.

You get an "I'm and idiot TRUMP pass" if your kids are intelligent.

You could do something like: Lick a metal pole in Minnesota in January and then say:

(please read the following line with your tongue protruding for maximum interactive blog enjoyment, thank you)

"My ton id in Hahvad tudiyin olecula enetics!!"

or

My otter eaks ree iffernt anguages!!! nd elts eed eeedy eole!!

The entire fire station and news room staff would immediately stop what they are doing and praise you as a parent because you obviously can't be THAT stupid.

I usually pick out my sons attire, if not, Hulk would accompany Spidey which would accentuate Superman, which would be topped off with froggy rain boots. And I am already wearing THAT outfit today,, sooooo.

He did well, picked out long pants and a button down with Nemo undies. But he forgot to change his underwear and had already put on the long pants (I think clean undies are essential to letting him sit on furniture or my lap, so I let him know of the egregious mistake).

He was upset, apparently even for him, 5 Am is a ridiculous time for such activities. I was pretty quiet, but firm. He sat on the floor and for the next 20 minutes I watched my son try to take his underwear off WITHOUT taking his jeans off. I explained calmly that he would HAVE to take them off eventually, so why not just do it now, but he was certain he could accomplish this feat without taking the "extra" effort of dropping trou.

One inch at a time, in full body whine mode, he made slow progress before finally snapping the underoos out towards my face with an "I told ya so, smirk".

I knew that putting ON the NEW pair of underwear while wearing pants is impossible, but I remained quiet as he tried, and tried, AND TRIED.... and calculated this problem, because he KNEW this WAS indeed an attainable goal for the day.

"Take you pants off" I calmly suggest again.

"I got dis" He counters.

"OK" I say remissfully and continue smoking crack, swigging beer, popping pills and watching Barbie doll porn (it's all over the blogosphere now too).

Now THIS is entertainment.

Finally beaten, he took his pants off with a labored huff and said:

"I guess I have to take dem off first"

"Yes, son, you do."

"You shoulda dust yelled at me to do it mom, I'm gonna go lied down for a bit!!"

It's always the parents fault!!

"Mom can we have ICE CREAM????" She rambled on, while drooling a bucket on the floor and eliciting the attention of the other restless natives.

"Well I guess you can get a scoop or so, on a cone."

"COOOOOOOL" can we have a small amount of chocolate syrup?" she asked, stretching the inch into the proverbial mile".

"OK, a SMALL amount" I said, giving in to the summer temptation of a rare moment of filled mouths and silent reflection.

Let's recap the directives given to the eldest of the Seductress clan shall we?

One small scoop (or so) on a cone, with a small amount of chocolate syrup.

The result:

Beef Pit Ham is all for the Toe Jam (The Chihuahua Diaries)

Today I would like to take the time to break down some responses I have had on dating sites. My wonderful friend Robyn from: Life by Chocolate (just pretend I am intelligent enough to provide you with a link to her most wonderful site {{here}}), did this a few weeks ago and I maliciously stole her idea (of course I am hoping that with chocolate she will forgive my horrendous act).

I have not been online on these sites too much, but from time to time I pop in to see what's hanging. Literally folks, some want to SHOW you what is hanging.

I believe that somewhere there is a being awaiting me with actual intelligence, loyal and moral attributes, great teeth and an excitement to be by my side. But I already have a dog so I should probably stop going to the pound (laughing, you know you saw that coming).

A lot of guys all talk to me about world traveling, this is great as I love a well traveled man. But I am finding something odd as well. A large percent only speak about specific areas, such as visiting that grand mountain range in Asia. I love the mountains, but when the talk is ONLY about how fast we can get to the Himalayan "me" parts, I tend to get upset, I want to see other parts of the world first.

Now please know that I don't think I am the ultimate prize, or anything close to that. And I don't want to hurt anyones feelings in this post, I am simply showing a portion of the strange and the vulgar for your full interactive dating world experience. I feel that if you are really sincere, it would come through, even on a cheesy dating site, and I would never make fun or discount that.

But these I can totally make fun of and/or discount.

Here are some actual messages. Punctuation, spelling and layout left EXACTLY as posted for your reading pleasure.

From a poster which sounded sooo promising with his profile name of "ih8u":

hi sexi i wanna...

Cure World hunger? Free the oppressed? Save an animal at the shelter? Please do tell!!


I received this one on July 4Th:

Wanna see my cock?

I love when guys are such patriotic AND proud farm animal owners!


This one was cool:

i am a lonaly man. i always like company with older womans i feel more comfortedable then. i always get turned down.


Maybe because you are 10 but have the grammar skills of an 8 year old!!! Your mom should have comfortedable you more!!


This guy's profile name was "Pinkeye" and "Pinkeye" was NOT looking for anything "serious":

I have messengered you 12 times, I'm going to quit now.

Dammit, I JUST missed you!!


"Juggalo" says on May 15Th :

Ello, I hail from Gambuto, I don't write very many women on her back so I hope you will respond as you are lovely in every way.

Ello


"Juggalo" says on May 26Th:

Ello, I hail from Gambuto, I don't write very many women on her back so I hope you will respond as you are lovely in every way.

Ello again


"Juggalo" says on July 10Th:

Ello

Go away, I LIKE when men write on my back.


This is from Morocco!!!! How romantic!!!:

i am said from Morrocco im seriou and i search relationship i like you and i hope you will my love and my wife if you accep write me in: (gives email address/Yahoo IM name/second email address and what I am assuming is a phone number that kinda looks like this:2543re554220773#) i wait your respond now.

(cough) Said, please stop waiting NOW, wait LATER, procrastination is your friend accep it.


From "cooljoe":

Wanna see my cock?

Blunt protruding objects frighten me. It may poke my eye out.

Or sputter.


Awwww SA-weeeeet:

u are WOW

WOW u are....... right!!


An obvious Masterdater named "Player-something" screamed the following prose:

WHO WOULD NOT ACKNOWEDGE SUCH A SWEET TENDER YOU? I BELIEVE THAT EVERY MOMENT THAT WOULD BE HELD UNDER THE SENSATIONS OF THE EVENING ATMOSPHERE SHOULD BE WITHIN THE VERY COMFORTS OF YOUR MAGICAL ABILITIES.

Uuuuuuuuurp, magical abilities,,, I has dem!!


From "al & dawn":

you are verry sexy hot.....

Quick!!!! Is this Al or Dawn?? It matters....


A guy named after a cat writes:

iam looking forwardto madeyour body felling good allnight long love.

The "space" bar is located in the lower middle portion of your keyboard, it's also the BIGGEST key there. BTW, my body always fells good reeeeal goood (I am quite the clutz).


The "Player-something" came back to say:

Check out this web site!! Swagfunk.com

I did, and this is what the front page offered:

Welcome All Party People, Funkateers, Hip Hop Headz and Funk Swaggers!

Funk Followers are we all standing on the verge? And you know what I mean, its not so wide you cant get around it and so low you cant get under it. we all came to boogie and got to stay in step. Like Beef Pit Ham is all for the Toe Jam and a coffee cream delight cause the funk grooves your body just right. (notice the post title inspiration here, even I could not have come up with a post title that bizarre!!)

SWAGFUNK is straight up "slap the taste out ya face" funk that cracks the jaw until you hit the floor (Mel Gibson LOVES this place! I'm so sorry, it begged for it, I sold out)

The smooth groove that makes your body move and hits the rhythm flow where you need to go. Not selling a thing but telling a thing to be heard.


I JUST LOVE BEING A FUNKATEER FUNK SWAGGER!!!
(jealous much?)

Idiom Contest.. and monkey poop..

Was the last contest an epic fail??

Not YET...

BUT...

This is it. Officially the last time I will beg you to play with me. A last desperate ploy to have friends without bribing them. Wait, I AM bribing you. This makes me sad, but also happy, because if it works maybe you will stick around for the after shows, which are ALWAYS fantabulously arranged and choreographically stunning, because I inhale the tangerine smelly markers before I perform, or maybe grape, it depends on which fruit item I have been lacking for the week, for me, it's all about being nutritionally sound when I kill brain cells.

Maybe it would be easier to make you love me if you were a puppy.

I could make a pork chop necklace and you would all look at me as if I was your queen and follow every move I make until I stop and you attack me with your love and bite my neck open for the juicy, but now a little tough pork chop.

BUT,,, you are not puppies. You are however, ALL very cute "like puppies" and still have that wonderful puppy breath that they should bottle up in a series of "aromatic memory enhancers" in a line from "Renuzit" called "Reduzit", the "Been there-smelled that" scent collection.

Wow, That's a pretty good slogan, they should hire me!!

There would be other aroma sprays such as, but not limited to:

Baby head
Best friends stinky car
Gym class
County fair
Rock concert pot aroma
Glue
Tangerine smelly marker (or grape)
Meatloaf cafeteria day
Hot Jock locker
Favorite childhood pet Basset Hound fart

You know you want it now!!!

But, I digress.. Back to the task at hand..

Here is the deal, it's all about "idiom phrases" today, remember?

Id-i-om n
A fixed, distinctive, and often colorful expression whose meaning cannot be understood from the combined meanings of its individual words, for example, “to have someone in stitches”

Whatever!

That definition was stupider than a one armed man, in a tree, waving!


I am leaving a very short paragraph and you fill it in with your idioms. There will be voting and mass hysteria. Justin Beiber will be a guest judge. I will read them to Justin and take the time to explain that this is a "safe" place and no hair flipping or pelvic thrusting is expected or necessary.

Bill Clinton is also scheduled to judge, but I will NOT have sexual relations with THAT man!

Bubbles the monkey is set to arrive and throw his famous poop on anyone NOT participating, I was going to invite "Boots" from Dora the Explorer, but cartoon shat really doesn't have the same effect and at least "Bubbles" poop might get ya a few dollars on E-bay.

I tried ta told ya this would happen!!

Here goes!!!

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a (#1. insert idiom here)! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am (#2. insert idiom here)! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than (#3. insert idiom here). We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than (#4. insert idiom here), but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a (#5. insert idiom here).). I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than (#6. insert self serving idiom here). And I know a good (restate noun from #6) when I see it!!!

The end!!

We will judge on overall idiom excellence and delivery. You have a few weeks to play.

I love you all more than an ant would love to have a miniature wheel barrel!!

P.S. No use ducking from Bubbles, he is a very accomplished shat aimer!!

The first eva.. "So,, ya gotta love it, Sunday Seductress Shorts"

My son was irritating me. I understand and respect this because it is his job and my children have always been very career minded. All day he was a monkey. It would take about 5.2 minutes for the "OOOOO-OOO-EEEE-EEEEE -AAAAH-AAAAAh's" to become extremely annoying to a sane person, luckily I am insane, so he had about 7.6 minutes. But even being insane this noise became increasingly piercing because I am a Princess. You know the story of the "Princess and the Pea"? Take that theory and replace it with sound waves, uh yes..you picking up what I'm puttin' down??

I was very annoyed and tried to tell him that he was making the elephants in our jungle VERY sad because they have such big ears. You may not be aware of this but when the elephants are sad they eat a lot of cookies!! I told him that we only have a few cookies left, so we had better be extremely cautious NOT to annoy the elephants into eating them. He remained a monkey and an elephant ate the cookies. Today, I turned from a Princess to an elephant, hopefully I will turn back into a Princess again soon.

I went into the bathroom and closed the door to be relieve myself from the monkey, and also my bladder. The monkey barged in with all his crazy monkey-ish antics. In an act of desperation and the increasing quest for a moment of silence, I told the monkey to stand outside the door and made a bold move. I slammed the door (lightly of course) in the monkey's face demanding just a moment to myself without the monkey. I heard my son say:

"Heyyyy!!! You hurt monkey's feelwins, now he's sad tooooo!"

"But are you sad, Traxx?"

"No, I'm fine.... I'll talk to da monkey doe, monkey's need choc-O-late puddin' when dey're sad, he'll be fine, I'll take care of dis."

GREAT!!!

Dramagirl and I had a very unique conversation about dieting in the car.

It went something like this:

"Mom, what's that thing you have that makes you stay skinny even though you eat all wrong and junk?"

"Metabolism??"

"Yes, METABOLISM!! I think you should have a strong one to keep you skinny until you are old and it doesn't matter anymore, don't you?"

"Well, that would be nice, but how old?"

"I'm thinking 30" she said as she bebopped to Rhianna.

(seriously, the world should have heard my gasp here, like a shock wave, did you feel that on Friday?? Yea,, that was me!!)

"So 30 is OLD!! And now that I am a little over 30 it doesn't matter if I'm fat?" I ask hoping she would redeem herself.

"Well, there's really nothing else to do AFTER 30 is there???"

My diva eyes glared deep into her doe eyes for a moment calculating my next response.

"I HOPE TO HOLY HALIBUT THERE IS!!" I distraughtly squeaked.

"CRIMINEY JICKETS Drama, that's just awful!!"

"I said it's alright to get a little FAT mom, it's not like DEATH, it's OK to be fat, if you're HAPPY!"

I cocked my head a little, like a puppy hearing a squeal, sweet response I thought, and with a possible note of redemption.

"I'll extend the new "fat rule" till 40, OK mom? That gives you more time to do things, how old are you again? I always forget."

The inside of my car turned into a slow-motion clay movie as I responded. Every syllable taking a year or more to spit out, every motion delayed to be captured in the heat of the moment.

(please read this in that slow motion deep voice for maximum shock factor!)

"I-W-I-L-L- B-E- 40- I-N- NO-VE-MB-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER!!!-!!!-!!!"

(yes, there was even reverb)

Dramagirl looks out the window before sympathetically replying:

"I can't extend this anymore mom!"

It took her a while but she finally made it home, walking a few miles is good exercise.

If she wants a strong metabolism until she is 30, this was an excellent way to start.

Please enjoy a "Seductress Approved" video...The EPIC RAP BATTLE:

The Secrets of the Pinafore--Contest Even Newer and Improved(er)!!

I have gotten a two fabo additions to this story!! I guess it would be hard to pick up a story where someone else left off, trying to mirror the vision, but I still know I will get some awesome stuff, so I will leave the contest in tact, I'll even extendz it fer ya (thru Aug 15Th).

But Monday I will add another option that won't take too much of your time and hopefully will be much, much funner. And there will be TWO prizes. Still the same two (cat and Mermaid, but TRY to act sooper, sooper excited!!) The bigger Mermaid picture for the Pinafore story and the smaller but awesome HD cat in eye popping 3D. (which Georgina and Blase have already laid claim to) for the next phase of the Seductress writing contest extravaganza!!!

I'll give you a clue on the next part....it's all about idioms..

So start making some up like:

.... a pathological liar with a medical journal, calling in for a sick day.

I didn't have an ending in mind when I wrote the first part of this story for you. I tried to leave it open for anything to happen. This is what I came up with last night.

So now,without further Adooooo,, please enjoy:

The Secrets of the Pinafore

(skip down to the new part if'n ya wanna)

She was a small framed, but feisty addition to a world that laughed at her imagination and called her weird, but sometimes they called Emma quirky, she liked being called quirky.

Always finding ways to make her long brown hair fly in the wind, even when it stopped blowing one day, was certainly a wondrous task. No one believed she could see colors that never would exist in a crayon box or that she heard musical notes everyone else would refuse dancing along with, no one, but her grandma Rose.

Her grandma showered her with compassion and allowed her imagination to bloom and flourish off each precious page of life, as hers had always done, weaving tale after tale into the memory of her greatest doe eyed fan.

When her hero had grown ill and was put in a nursing home, Emma stopped skipping through each day. She visited often, sitting only a breath away, to hear every last drop of her grandma Rose's tea party fantasies and the daring battle adventures that even stinky boys weren't strong or brave enough to take on.

On her last day on this earth, her grandma gave her a clumsily wrapped present and shared her best kept secret. In the sweet words of her final sentence, and the passing of her last labored breaths, a magical gift had been passed down to another generation.

"Life has pockets of reality that help you along the way, making dreams come true. But for the special ones like us Emma, the secrets of fantasy can take on a life of their own. Some of these secrets are never shared, but you'll find all of mine, that I now pass to you, in the tree by the stream, on the blue side of the sky."

While wearing the little gift she was given, a blue pinafore with pockets galore, Emma dashed down to the stream, trying to hold back tears, and find the tree her grandma had told her about. Many dark, heavily branched giants towered over the banks of the stream. From every angle she tried, there was just one, on the East side, that she could see the shimmering water running past through the branches, surrounding the tree with the palest of sky blues.

"This must be it" she whispered, "the blue side of the sky".

She wondered how she would get "in" the tree. As she walked over and inspected the tree's huge roots, bursting of history and growth, she noticed an opening, covered with ivy, begging to be entered. After shimmying in, she looked up to a stunning view of seemingly never ending spiral stairs, enrobed in sparkle and indescribable color hues. It was bright, airy and magical in every way, beckoning for a loss of reality and the explosive fantasies of an inventive child.

This tree could transport a willing spirit anywhere it would allow itself to be taken. There were many places in her mind, Emma had only vaguely dreamt of, and now, she would experience them in Technicolor. Smells, sounds and tastes, all swirling around, ready to be stolen for a memory.

Odd little friends were hidden around each turn, for once, her quirkiness would be celebrated. The images and life lessons from the tree, would become fairy tales and legend, for future little dreamers. Many would be passed on again, to a lucky few, to be experienced as their own childhood realities.

And there was more, the pockets of the blue pinafore carried yet another of her grandmothers secrets. Anything she could ever need, long for, or just dream up in her already fantastical world, could be found in the magical pouches of her frock. Just place your hand in and close your eyes to wish, seconds later the item would materialize as a brightly colored, perfectly developed gift for each task at hand or outlandish whim.

Emma looked up and noticed some bustling in the tree, amazingly there were quarters and residences on each level, but for what? For whom?

She decided to close her eyes and reach in a pocket to pull out a microphone. It came out pink and sparkly with a seemingly never ending jeweled cord, no need to wish for speakers apparently, because as she spoke into it, the tree shook a bit and the inhabitants all gasped.

“Uh, I’m kinda new here, and I don’t know any of you, I would like to meet you, if that’s OK".

"Grandma Rose sent me.”

The voices above rang out muddled and all strung together; she could only recognize a few sentences.

...Who is she?.. What is she?.. She’s ugly; I’ll say that, just hideously disfigured!!

Collective gasps grew from up above.

..."We don’t talk like that!" a strongly voiced reminder rang out.

... "Well, we should, I say!! Hmmpf!!..." griped the offending party.

Emma heard quick foot steps and a door slamming, the rest of the voices continued.

...We love Rose, what did you do with her?.. Did you step on her heart?.. We don’t like heart steppers here!!...

Whispers flew around in the air causing a slight breeze in the tree.

“She passed” Emma said solemnly.

...What is this "PASSING"??!!.. Was it a race?.. She was in a race and YOU won? You’re gangly you know, how ever did YOU win?.. Maybe she stepped on her heart FIRST!!.. Or her cape, are you a cape stepper? We don't like cape steppers here!!!...

“No, I mean she PASSED AWAY, listen, I can’t answer all of these questions at once, it’s too much, I’m gonna leave for now.”

Another voice rang down, a calmed one, Emma saw two purple striped legs dangling from one of the lofts and turned to listen.

"Rose is gone everyone. Humans fade after they share all of the brightest light in their hearts, that’s why some live longer than others, like our Rose.”

...Oh we loved Rose!.. We did.. We did.. She was special, reallllly special... And thicker than THIS one, I say,, just thicker...

The striped legs stuck straight out and darted off the edge, down to Emma, startling her.

The creature was all hair and wobble bits, but Emma recognized her somehow, she was from grandma’s childhood drawings, it was a beloved friend named Jazz.

“I know you!!! You’re Jazz aren’t you???” Emma queried hopefully.

“I AM, and YOU smell like cotton candy, pink cotton candy, have you been eating cotton candy?"

"Hmmmm, have you?? It smells piii-ink!!”

All the spectators rambled in once more.

...We LOVE cotton candy!!! Love, love, love cotton candy, it melts, right there in your head, it melts!!...

The lofted residents all now celebrated their sugary sweet memories.

“No, I haven’t” Emma giggled out loud at the thought, “But I CAN get us some!!”

"Emma has the Pinafore, Oh goody!! Emma has the Pinafore!!"

Jazz was busy dancing when she next proclaimed, "Cotton candy for EV-ER-Y-ONE!!!!!!"

Emma spotted many monstery things, waddling out to the edges, hundreds of unique faces, all shapes and sizes, every one now raining down millions of drops of drool on her head.

“Yes, we all look different here" Jazz mentioned catching on to Emma's puzzled demeanor.

"No two the same, ‘cept you, you look like Mute.. MUTE!!! COME OUT HERE!!” Jazz screamed.

Mute appeared from a shadow, looking NOTHING like Emma, except, he had one brown ponytail.

"HI!!!!! I’M MUTE!!!"

...Shhhhhhhhhhh...

The tree rattled with the strength of his voice and an agitated "shushing" from the others.

“I am vocally enhanced” Mute leaned in, trying to whisper daintily.

“Thank you MR. AMPLIFICATION!!” Jazz interrupted.

"See, he looks JUST like you Emma!!”

Emma gave a doubting expression, “Because of the pony tail??”

“Yep, dead look alike”

...Ooooh,, yes it is, yest it is,, she looks just like Mute, poor dear, thicker though, she's much, much thicker...

“Cotton candyyyy” Jazz reminded, tapping a tiny clear shoe.

...Yes, yes, cotton candy, we love cotton candy, it melts you know!! That it does, melts right there in your head!! I love cotton candy head melting!!...

"Pii-ink??!!" Jazz strongly suggested.

Emma pulled out cone after cone of yes, "pink" cotton candy, from her pockets and tossed them into the air to be greeted with unrestrained screams of laughter and clapping.

She grabbed a tiny heart button on her Pinafore placket and closed her eyes.

“Thank you, Grandma. I’m going to be just fine here.

The End
(for now)