Thursday, December 2, 2010

All about hallucinations/ EAT ME!

I never was one who took drugs. Especially ones containing hallucinogens. The only drug I almost overdosed on was love. That drug IS a strong hallucinate as it causes you to see a Prince when the guy is clearly frog pee.... (see what I did there? He wasn't even good enough to BE the frog!! I slay me!! I'm here all week, try the veal!!)

But, where was I going with this you ask,
while shaking your head at my less than normal antics.

Well, I was thinking that addicts taking drugs known for causing hallucinations have issues to deal with that those of us that don't would never imagine, until now, because I am going to make you aware of one of them, because I love you, and right now, because I overdosed on rancid spiked egg-nog, I am hallucinating that I see you in your skivvy's feeding Donald Duck chocolate covered strawberries while he swims circles in my gold leafed toilet.

No really, there ya are in crotch bejeweled BVD's, or did you think the duck part was weirder? I am still not sure why Hello Kitty is humping your leg


...but you are clearly enjoying it..

....soooo anywhoo....

If you think about advertising campaigns these days, every product has been made anthropomorphic...

Join me in welcoming the official professor for The Invisible Seductress.

Professor of oddities and bad smelling pits, explain to my readers what Anthropomorphic means.

Wait, you're a calculator!
Can I get a REAL Professor up in this blogizzy?

Thank You!
Professor, the floor is yours!

Anthropomorphism is a term coined in the mid 1700s to refer to any attribution of human characteristics (or characteristics assumed or believed by some to belong only to humans) to animals or non-living things, phenomena, material states and objects or abstract concepts.

Wonderful! I think advertising for many food products have turned up anthropomorphous to appeal to children and small lap dogs.


In a hallucinating drugged state, you decide you are hungry, can you imagine the horror when these guys show up?

They start flashing you their 8 layers and your moral dilemma starts. I mean come on, you are already a drug addict and probably stole your momma's debit card to buy the cereal, but does that mean you should snuff the life out of these characters who are clearly only trying to prepare you for a vigorous day of twitching on the couch and watching Springer?


Wow, that was weird!!!

Man, now,, you are freakin' PARCHED!

Perhaps a fruity beverage?

You skip this guy because he is frighteningly sexy to you right now...
(Dude, seriously, you're Kool-aid man and your cup is empty? NOT COOL!)

Instead, you opt for something a little calmer.

Maybe a tropical Hawaiian beverage would be nice.

Great idea until...

Punchy, the Hawaiian Punch mascot,

struts in and beats the living daylights out of you!!

And then.... You start to feel woozy and a bit congested, perhaps more drugs would help, legal ones this time though, maybe you decided to change your ways after crapping pissed off pastel frosted mini-wheat characters.

This guy walks in
hands you a bottle of cough sizzurp...

Crap, Crap, Crappity, Crap!!
(not your actual words)


Maybe you should just go to bed!!


Dr. Drew doesn't seem so
anal retentive and crotchety NOW,,



Whatdoya say???

See ya next season on the VH1 spin-off :

(Not so Celebrity) Celebrity Rehab!!

5 Seducing Deductions:

mac said...

Addict, from the Latin for slave.

I'm addicted to MtDew, Peanut Butter, sweet smelling sparkly girls, a brown dog and I look a bit too much like the Kool-aid guy up there. But, I have never, ever counted sheep to help me sleep.

Luckily, my addictions are managable, so I don't have to sell my self on the street for a 12 pack of Dew ;-)

Copyboy said...

I think we can all agree that drugs open you up to a world of imagination with mini cereal people.

John Watson said...

Ahaha, I love this.. I have a serious addiction to Coke, yes the soft drink, I hasten to add for the benefit of the FEDs tracking my movements. I love your foolish writing; keep it coming...cheers

Anonymous said...

Punchy used to scare me as a kid. I always thought he was so angry and mean all the time, and really, just a loose cannon in a bad hat.
I loved mini-wheats. Notice I said "loved"? After that rude little hallucination, notsomuch. - G

Mike said...

Ha ha very entertaining post. I did a few drugs when I was in college, but I never saw any shit like that kool aid dude...thank God.

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