Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The pursuit of happiness dating Supeheroes! (stealing their powers, to rule the world! The WORLD I SAY!!! (and a little for Superhero sex)

My Superhero self

After the first somewhat failed attempt at dating only Superheroes, (to steal their powers and take over the world... and also a little to get laid by a Superhero et. all), and since the above picture represents me as a Superhero, I decided I needed to take a more educated look at my next victims lucky pursuers and possibly get an expert.

To do this I did research on a few clairvoyant Superheroes that might be willing to work with me on this project.

I sent out a cry for help, my emergency signal to the world, a beacon of light which could be seen from millions of miles away!

It looked like this:

Yes, I thought it would be a little sexier too, or maybe even a Green Olive with fabulous sparkles, a green Jello cup would have been nice too, but this really goes to show ya, you really have to watch what signals you are sending the world!!

Rupaul came as quickly as a baby comet on acid! I was a little confused too, but I do think maybe he COULD have superpowers because he does look better in spandex than a lot of women do. But,, I was swiftly corrected, the Superhero I was ACTUALLY dealing with, was:


snowbird marvel Pictures, Images and Photos

Not to be confused with:


Weird right?

Anyways, I quickly apologized for my lack of couth in the mix-up and Snowbird took me back into her flock (as well as under her large masculine, surprisingly downy wings).

This was our conversation:

IS- Firstly, thank you very much for coming to my rescue!


SB- Will there actually BE any Circus Peanuts in this transaction or was that just a ploy to facilitate your sexual needs Seductress?

(awkward silence)

IS- I have the Circus Peanuts you are inquiring about Snowbird, I do not wish to mislead you, I felt that your clairvoyant skills and abilities to see the future might aid me in finding a suitable Superhero companion. On the last attempt I foolishly invited The Tick.

(Snowbird begins laughing)


SB- How'd that work out for you?

- The visit was somewhat fruitless. Although, The Tick DID deliver a very nice spoon bath, he is not much for marketable Superpowers OR intelligence.

SB- Did you evaluate his, uh, MALE MORTAL attributes as well?

IS- I did not.

(another awkward silence is interrupted by Snowbird's "Tick Member Measurement" demonstration using her wide outspread arms and many winks)

IS- REALLY????? Well, I'm Gobsmacked!!!!

- Well I did not come here to make you regret your lack of knowledge on the size or girth of a Superhero's member, what is it you need me to do for you EXACTLY?

Snowbird adjusts herself, and I am confused again, but must move on...

IS- (ahem) Snowbird, I thought you could use your clairvoyant skills to locate a few suitable Superheroes for me based on what you see in my future.

SB- A loser's dating game? A Catlady's LAST chance for mortal mating? A game of Old Maid.....

IS- I DON'T have any cats Snowbird!!!! This is just a PREPARED woman, making plans to take over the world!!!

(My theme music plays in the background, perfectly choreographed with the crackling of lightening strikes shooting from my now angered fingers, or,, at least that's how I remember it and you should really visualize it that way to experience the most enjoyment from this post)

SB- Dear sweet Spinster, Seductress....

IS- I have CHILDREN SnowBird, a spinster DOES not! They do not have children, which I DO and NO cats, may I remind you, I have NO cats!

SB- Whoa,,, CALM DOWN, INVIZZY!!! I see it now,,, You REALLY need to get laid!!!

- (cough)....Yes, and by a Superhero, it's the only way to separate them from their powers, can you help??

SB- I can. I will gather 3 Superheroes possibly worthy of de-cob-webbing your woman-lair, and we will have a meet and greet. Yes. This is promising!! A Superhero dating game of sorts, with me as the host, most DELICIOUS!!!

IS- AWESOME!! {{{whispers}}}...perhaps maybe the Tick could come back for another go, due to new pertinent information about his Superhuman capabilities and an openness to giving love a second chance??

(Snowbird starts laughing again)

SB- Dear, The Tick has been rocking back and forth in his jammies since the last time he met you, it IS true that he is endowed VERY nicely, it just scares him every time it, uh, makes an uprising, your blue heaving chest and lighted nipples were just too much for him!

IS- Oh, I see, but, maybe, I coul....

SB- NO! I will present you with your Superhero suitors soon. Whiten that smile, shave those legs, and start this extensive Kegal work-out dear! I will drop off my thigh master in a few days as well. Even though she is a mere mortal, EVERY Superhero STILL loves Suzanne Somer's Thighs!!


IS- Oh my, who knew???

Snowbird hands me a booklet with extensive Kegal workout instructions to build my sexual strength, and Kama Sutra: The Superhero Edition.

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She then flies off, carrying a bulk sized bag of Circus Peanuts as advance payment for services to be rendered.

I sit now in the dark, rocking, and contemplating The Tick's Male Mortal Attributes for a few more hours.

....to be continued

4 Seducing Deductions:

Mister Sharaf said...

great post

Anonymous said...

De-cowebbing your woman's lair? That could possibly be THE dirtiest thing I have read all year. Unless it doesn't mean what I think it means...then I am the dirty one. - G
PS I am glad that even SB gets a muffin-top when she laughs. Maybe she really is a mere moral.

mac said...

Oh, I thought you were going to steal some powers from SnowBird.
That would have been an interesting post ;-)

Of course, you could always steal my super powers... I am fatser than a speeding ticket, stronger than my grandmother, and able to leap off short curbs in a single bound !

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I can't wait to find out what happens. I'm excited for you. How's the Kegal going? That looks painful. Loved this post. Love you too. xo

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