Thursday, May 31, 2012

Welcome Back to the Portal of Insanity

"Yes! Yes! Yes!"

I can hear you screaming that and doing your little "she's back beaches" dance!

Strangely enough,,, it is a very becoming dance for you... I would have never thought to pair up a Quaker Oatmeal tube hat, neon spandex and a tin foil bow tie with it,,,  but still, all in all, you REALLY pull that off!!!

But what exactly should an Invisible Seductress "welcome back" post consist of to make it legendary?

Well???

I suppose I would need to add a little sex.

Although,,, it HAS been a while.... (1902 to be exact-wearing a steampunk outfit, make-
shift stillettos and blowing a kazoo,,  under a horse drawn carriage,,, with a man called Doomerschmitzenpop,,,, ah yeah,,, it is a very vivid memory baby....)

So maybe I should just "do me" in this post.

No. maybe that came out wrong... That is NOT what I meant,,, but thank you for tainting this otherwise family orientated blog post with your thoughts of me "doing me" when alls I REALLY meant was I need to post about the things I used to post about... Sheesh....
(hands you soap,,,,, dirty mouth.... now go to my room!!)

Ok,, where was I? Oh yes, writing about the things I used ta. Lets break it down...

Farts.... still funny
Michael Landon-Brendan Fraiser-David Beckham's abs.... still sexy...
Vodka.... still makes me dance like a newborn Giraffe on acid...
Sparkles.... still make me all giddy...
Green Olives/Green Jello.... still the breakfast of champions...
Sporks.... still the most unappreciated utensil...
Bacon....

Yes Bacon... still wonderful... A wise woman told me that bacon should have sparkles.

Think about it.

Sparkles REALLY are the ONLY thing that could improve bacon,, they improve everything...

Spam... Wait,,, I am getting flustered,,,

What if the Spam made a fart sound as it was taken out of the can by Brendan Frasier and served on a Michael Landon limited edition serving plate,,, and what if we wrapped said sparkled bacon AROUND that Spam that was festering in green jello INSTEAD of that amber colored congealant stuffy junk,,,,, AND the top of the Spam loaf was carved like David Beckham's abs with Green Olive nipples and of course,,, I eat this with a Spork for breakfast while I sip Vodka through a twirly straw and dance like a newborn Giraffe on acid....

I almost forgot...

Twirly straws... still think they should be included in every meal....

Hmmmm.... Interesting.......

Things have not really changed a lot here. We had a hurricane/tropical storm/tropical depression/storm front/freaking rain episode named Beryl last weekend. No one is scared of ANYTHING named Beryl. I have never met a Beryl,,, but I suppose a Beryl could be fiercely manly... I remember a hurricane a few years ago that had a really, really manly name and was the King Daddeo of bad Mamba Jamba Hurricanes... I can't remember it's name though... I actually had sex with a Greek God type man the WHOLE time it was coming through my town... It was a wonderfully hard hitting storm...The whole freaking time... What was it's name???

Oh yes... Hurricane Dream... cause it never really happened... It was just a dream... Damn...

Wow. Uh. Er. Maybe you forgot I ramble alot but am strangely weird (in a good way, I hope) and fun to imagine co-wearing striped toe socks and rolling down a grassy knoll whilst singing "The Hills are Alive" with....

Or maybe I just lost the last few followers that ACTUALLY would have read my posts...

Either way....

Welcome back to the portal of insanity that you know you will come back to because,,,,,

well,,,,,

Just because...

(I hope)

3 Seducing Deductions:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Good to hear from you! It's been a while.

IT (aka Ivan Toblog) said...

...missed ya

f1trey said...

hope your doin good.... :)

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