repost of my first eloquently written "Love Letter"...REVAMPED SEDUCTRESS STYLE!!! and sadly still teaches a lesson.....

I wanted to repost this because in looking back at my dating experiences since I wrote this post I can honestly say: WTF?!!

It seems, the further I delve into what are supposed to be the "happiest" and "funnest" single times of my life, the more I realize that maybe that 19 year old I thought I "loved" was actually a love "rocket scientist". That guy who wore tight ball busting jeans and a t-shirt that read: STUD FOR HIRE, to meet my preacher father for the first time, (causing our only "dates" to be on the front porch of my house for months) rivaled Einstein. He "got it", he knew that when/if it was meant to be, it WOULD be. And if it wasn't, then that would be OK too.

Maybe I STILL have it all wrong. Is the moment that I actually just accept my own life "as it is" and without the pressure of feeling "less than" because I don't have a husband or partner, the moment that a weight will be lifted off my shoulders and I can start to enjoy every breath without feeling "slighted"?

So, these are words that I wrote for a sweet faced love of mine. Words that as I wrote them, made me weep from the strength and joy I had thought I found. Words that haunt me again as I found them hidden (in rough draft form) in an envelope stuck in a chest full of other memories. The page was still punctuated with the tears of joy I had shed while writing and also the tears of pain shed after he left (insert empathetic sniffle here)... and now the tears of laughter at thinking he ever deserved these words in the first place!! But I was young (19), and he was my first "love"...

So without further ado, I give you:

THE LOVE LETTER
By: The girl who WAS invisible, but definitely NOT a seductress!!

Dear You,

Your words send me into a trance, it's only when I stumble upon the weakness that I have for you that I feel my own mortality. We are transcending time with each touch, like a stop motion camera watching a flower blossom in the spring. The petals of love soften and curl as they open fully to the morning rays, exposing a virgin soul that had otherwise remained hidden from the light, pure and sweet with its intentions. I await further ripening of my spirit with each breath you take, that lingers next to my skin. I pull to you closer and steal the heat away as I enjoy every part of your being. I am renewed when you look into my eyes, pushing me deeper and deeper into a loss of rational thought. I will give you all that I have and would offer all I ever will, if you were to stay here by my side, looking at me that way, feeding every carnal hunger.

It is much more than a love, but a journey into what all of us pray to find in another, a union of mind and body, separate and defined, but parallel on the path to our happy ending.

Love,
Me

Uh,, yea,, that SHOULD have scared the hell out of a normal 19 year old boy!!!!!!

No wonder he ran a few weeks after this!! This left me crushed and questioning my worth.

I now know that this is what I should have written to wooo him at at that very tender age...

Dear Megaman-awesomepants,

You still live with your parents, I have my own place and big screen TV with a remote control that loves the sports channel and soft porn. I also have a fake ID for beer, real tits that your friends all talk about and a blonde room mate who wants a "stripper pole".

You're stupid, but I won't call you on it. I'm smart, but I won't rub it in your face by using big words like: "antidisestablishmentarianism" in our daily conversations although I do feel that the antidisestablishmentarianism of the church has greatly improved.

I work at the bank so you may possibly be entitled to refunds when you bounce $15 checks buying clearance video games at Toys-R-Us. And buy me a Pez dispenser for our anniversary while you are there please!!

I think buffalo wings should accompany every date we go on and going "dutch" is awesome! I want your clothes to smell fresh so I will wash them with jasmine, and also,,,, please allow me to wash your feet and dry them with my hair, as done in biblical times.

When you fart it enlightens my senses. When you burp, I feel the love in the air. Size and time does not matter when I am with you, you are a sexy, sexy beast! The tracks in your underwear that lay on my floor, that I have to walk over to get out of the room, are even very sexy! And it's cool that you don't actually have to un-zip or un-belt your pants because they fall to the ground like you shrunk out of them ie: the witch in "The Wizard of Oz", I think clothes that fit are so over rated!

And YES,,,,, marijuana SHOULD be legalized because you say so! You create a very compelling debate for it when you are high, that is greatly accentuated with the cheez-puff dust on the corner of your mouth and the burn holes on your t-shirt from when you dropped the doobie in passing. When you screamed: "DUDE!!! I'm on FIRE,,,,, DUDE!!!" it was really, really endearing and the warm beer I put you out with worked very nicely!

Your friends are always welcome here as they are all geniuses. And it is OK that your ex-girlfriend still calls you in the middle of the night, you are very thoughtful to take the time to counsel her.

Oh, and I WILL support you until you get another job. I am sure your female boss just "imagined" you were flirting with her when you hand slipped off the King of the Burger's register and slapped her polyester clad rear end.

Love,
Me

Do you think he would have stayed then?

LOL(ing)

Young love and the lessons we have to learn the hard way!!!

Here's to hoping that the men my age have transcended that ignorance,, but still like cheez- puffs...

I'm still OK with cheez-puffs!!!

Please enjoy a classic snippet from the charming men of SNL:



HEY!!! I've danced with these guys!!!!

Note to self: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH *facepalm*.....

And PS: I love the "retro" comments too! I hope all of you have found great happiness in the months since this originally was posted and even though I seem to be in the same spot, I have since mastered scaring off an even more clueless set of men-- so--here's to all the single gals who are OK with their "weird catless cat-lady" futures if thats what they are meant to have...But if not....single men......watch out......we're coming for ya!!!!