The year was 1902. It was the last time I would have sex with a mere mortal.

**Names, dates, positions, orgasms, color, smell, sounds, locations and fruit are all fictitious. Any resemblance to actual characters is purely coincidental and BTW, it probably was NOT you, no, no it COULD have been YOU there in the blue spandex, YES YOU, THAT'S A NICE POWER PACK!!! But it was certainly NOT YOU there wearing the khakis and sandals! **

I decided at that last mundane sexual rendezvous in 1902 to pursue a different type of man, a man with the strength of 100 steaming locomotives, a man that can leap over tall buildings with a single bound, or just buy me green olives and mascara.

I will, from this time on, ONLY date Superheroes!

And I would capture their superpowers for my own usage.

This journal outlines the pros and cons of dating men with super human powers versus the average Joe (excluding GI Joe of course). I donned my own superhero garb (sparkles and leather) and "The Invisible Seductress" is now a comic book world reality.

The first hero I pursued was:

THE TICK

Here is his BIO:

The Tick seems to have no memory of his life before being The Tick, and indeed not much memory of anything; possibly due to frequent head injuries. In the original comic series, The Tick is apparently legally insane, having escaped from a mental institution located not too far from The City. He is well-intentioned, friendly, good-natured, high-spirited, frequently obtuse, and prone to quipping odd, dim remarks and "inspirational" speeches filled with bizarre metaphors. The Tick is known for his nonsensical battle cry, "SPOOOOOOOON!" which he decided upon one day while eating breakfast (specifically, the cereal Drama Flakes).

The Tick's superpowers are nigh-invulnerability, which allows him to crash and bang about without injury (though not necessarily without pain), super strength, and something referred to as "Drama power," or basically a tendency for The Tick's powers to increase as the situation becomes more dramatic. One of his only weaknesses is that he cannot keep his balance if his antennae are removed.

On date night, we decided that we should meet in an alley because Tick felt I should see him in his "natural" surroundings, being a hero.

This is our first meeting:

IS: Well Tick it is defin....

Tick: SPOOOOOOOON!

IS: That was one of my favorite episodes, I love your battle cr.....

Tick: SPOOOOOOOOOON!

I flash the Tick to catch his attention, I have painted my boobs blue to attract him to me even further, part of my diabolical plan to capture his super powers, taking them for my own.

Tick: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS!

IS: Yes, you like BOOOOOOOBS, don't you Tick? Will you be changing your battle cry now?

Tick: BOOOOOOOOBS on SPOOOOOOOONS!!!

The tick shakes his head an looks down at his suave blue uni-tard to a rising matter of importance.

Tick: Arthur really needs to see THEEEESE, you may just be holding the secret to my everlasting-strength, My suit feels tighter around you, {{{{{{{{ARTHUR}}}}}}}}} Please come and see the secret to wielding my power stick!

Arthur flies down and stops dead in his tracks staring directly at my blue heaving chest, no one should EVER stare directly at my blue heaving chest!

IS: Good evening Arthur, I know you are the brains behind this operation, I have been waiting to meet you. Perhaps we should talk under a BRIGHT light. I have something to offer you.

Arthur: Uh, Tick, did you check this girl out? I am beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable.

Tick: She was on the dating site I frequent: Single Women Pursuing World Domination. It said she was a Sag with vivacious plans to rein supreme over evil and idiotic men, she loves puppies and dancing in the rain and, and, and......She has a SPOOOOON collection Arthur!!!!

A whole COLLECTION!!!

IS: Arthur,,,, look at the lights....Looooooook!

I turn my nipple lights on to the brightest setting, reeling Arthur in, they flash in unison to the song "Hero" by Nickelback.

Arthur: Oh, I- I- I- like boooooobies, but,,, Not in the face!! Not in the Face!!!

The two are now under the trance of The Invisible Seductress, I toy with their antennae to further lure them to my lair.

After I have my way, I sprinkle them with the sparkles of contentment (which, by the way are aqua colored and just fabulous with dark blue eyeshadow!)

And then I send them out into the harsh night, none the wiser.

Now that I have captured the super powers of The Tick and Arthur, I do a quick check of my new strengths and deduce that next time, if I want to rule the world, I shall have to commandeer the superpowers of greater "heroes".

I start my research and stake-out watching a hero no doubt worthy of my attention:

Mister Fantastic!!

Please enjoy this bonus video from The Tick:



I HOPE NOT!!! THAT'S WHERE I KEEP ALL MY STUFF!!!!!! (best line ever!)