STILL..Poor as a church mouse with a dirrrty conscience remix....

I am. Yep, that's me, a sexy hot mouse, and poor, except no dirrrty conscience because my halo, she is still-a-shinin'!! See it? The pureness that flows from me is inspiring, inspiring me to SNORE!! But let's get back to the whole concept of POOR. I is, and I know I am not alone, I am sure plenty of you (like me) are stealing packs of ketchup, mild taco sauce, and Sporks (just because I love me a good Spork) from Taco Bell, only to take it home and add it to hot water to make Mexican "Spicy" Tomato soup for dinner (nom nom cough spit). Oh you don't? I see. Well I guess that you are not separating two-ply toilet paper then either are you? Hmmmpf. This means that I win the Pathetic Existence Award Frugality Award for 2010!!! (May I suggest a prize package of toilet paper and Campbell's Tomato soup? .. And maybe some crackers and a tube of the New and Improviest Mascara....).

But here are some things I have learned lately being poor... Enjoy them FOR FREE!!!

No matter what you do with bologna it will never taste like steak (or chicken) (or hamburger) (or steak-ums), but it does come close to really stale dried out SPAM-WOOOHOOOO!!

Mascara addiction is a REAL DISEASE, with withdraw symptoms, Dr. Drew won't help me but, I think I'm gonna need a patch

"Kitchen Sink" casseroles should only be attempted by people with culinary prowess

Being poor is a skill no one wants to study or master

Off brand window cleaner sucks

Dish Network with a "limited" channel package is like a S'more with no chocolate

In Florida, putting your air at 78 Degrees yields a ridiculous bill and much glistening

Home Owner Association members NEVER have problems that prevent them from mowing their yards

Walking to the store with a 4 year old to save gas was a good idea.... ONCE

"Fresh" Strawberries in a can are NOT

Chef BOYARDEE was not a real chef

Things only sell when you want the money to purchase a bigger better thing and not when you need it to survive

It's worth it to buy a decent toilet paper that doesn't disintegrate in your hands

Cheap sliced cheese resembles puss when melted

I miss perfume and sex (they kinda go together in my mind)

Bright nail polish on my piggies still makes me feel spoiled

Paying for things with change irritates people

Shampoo can be mixed with water half/half if you never want your hair to feel clean

Sending a bill for payment with a check you didn't sign (by mistake) only irritates people and gets things cut off faster (the gig is up)

The "Clover Valley" brand at Dollar General tastes GREAT if you cock your head while eating it and think about McDonald's strawberry milkshakes

Dr. Pibb should kick Dr. Thunder's ass for the assumption of similarity

Short story time kiddies!! Gather 'round!!

When you work at a bank, it is common for non-customers to come in without ID wanting to cash a check drawn on the bank. They will almost always say:

" But, I need the money to go GET an ID!!"

The other day I passed Walgreens and they had a Blood donor truck there. They were offering a $10 Walgreens gift card for a donation. I tried to give but was turned away because of my low iron levels.

This is the method I used with the Blood bank girl:

"But, I need the money to go GET Iron Infused Multi Vitamins!!"

She was a smart one though, not falling for my scheme..

"can I just have a cookie then?"

"juice?"

"fashionable Red Cross logo apparel??"

"A letter of recommendation to give blood in the future?"

(awkward silence)

"Don't call anyone, I'm leaving"

(on the way out)

"Dammit kids, there goes our 150 packs of Ramen Noodles!!"

While supplies last!!

I hope your day is rich with smiles and hugs and Green Olives!!! ...and maybe some SPAM!!!